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the unofficial, unauthorized, deeply concerned homepage about
THE CHEETAH GIRLS
and what is REALLY going on with Galleria
You know them. Everybody at school knows them now. Four girls, one talent show, one record deal they somehow did not take. I had a front-row seat to the whole thing. Somebody has to write down what is actually happening with Galleria, so I guess it is going to be me.
named after the one big cat that loses every fight · the dog can dance · the masks were cooler · cheetahs live on the SAVANNA · justice for toto · named after the one big cat that loses every fight · the dog can dance · the masks were cooler · cheetahs live on the SAVANNA · justice for toto ·
OFFICIAL TOTO INJUSTICE COUNTER
24
DAYS SINCE THE TALENT SHOW, AND NO ONE HAS THANKED THE DOG
Things Galleria Did That I Will Not Be Forgetting
I was there for most of these. The rest is common knowledge by now. In order of when I stopped being able to let it go.
GRIEVANCE #1
One sniff of a record deal and she started correcting her own friends.
I watched this happen in the cafeteria. The second a producer showed interest, Galleria turned into somebody's manager. She told Aqua to put the hot sauce away. She told Aqua to stop talking with her mouth full. We have known Aqua since the sixth grade. The hot sauce is not new information.
ON THE RECORD
Witnessed, third lunch period: she reprimands Aqua for the hot sauce and for talking with her mouth full.
Verdict: let. her. eat.
GRIEVANCE #2
She came for Dorinda's clothes. To Dorinda's face.
Everybody at school knows Dorinda has it harder than the rest of us. She works. She takes care of a whole house. So naturally Galleria picked the week before the big meeting to workshop her wardrobe in front of people, head to toe in cheetah print herself.
ON THE RECORD
“Hold it down with the whack attack, Do. We love you, okay? We just don't want you to look torn up and janky next time you see Jackal.” (said out loud, to her friend)
Verdict: that is your FRIEND.
GRIEVANCE #3
She blew up the record deal. For all four of them. Over an outfit.
A real producer. A real contract. They were getting OUT of here. And Galleria stood up, said her piece, and walked, and nobody thought to ask the other three what they wanted. I would have worn the costume. I would have worn two costumes. I would still be wearing them today.
ON THE RECORD
“If he can't respect my art, he can't have my heart.” (to a grown man offering her a career)
Verdict: the most expensive opinion in our zip code.
GRIEVANCE #4
The meltdown. I heard about it within the hour.
Dorinda said the only sane thing in the room: it's a job singing and dancing and making people happy, what's wrong with that. Galleria had a lot to say back and none of it pays anyone's rent. And I cannot stress this enough: the producer's name is Jackal, a scavenger, and he calls her his little poop tracker to her face, and somehow HE is the bad guy and she is the hero?
ON THE RECORD
“No. No. No. No. Didn't you like what we just did?” / “It's not our music.” (the deal, dying)
Verdict: I have questions for everyone in that room.
Also, And I Am Just Saying
1. They named themselves the fastest and fiercest things in the jungle. We live in Manhattan. There is no jungle here. Also cheetahs lose every fight, I checked at the library.
2. The producer is named Jackal. A literal scavenger. Nobody at that meeting said one word about it.
3. The dog dances better than all four of them. I will say that under oath.
4. Through this entire thing, the only one in the whole group with any dignity was the dog. His name is Toto. Justice for Toto.
My Merch Table
Yes, I am selling the print. Leopard, technically, but the band never knew the difference either. Real products, nothing to do with them. If you are going to wear the spots, at least wear them for the dog.
Strap Leopard Print Butterfly Dress
$24
For being noticed for the right reasons. Unlike some people.
The drop is not ready yet. Sign the guestbook and I will email you the second the spots ship.
Sign the Guestbook
Toto reads every entry personally. Sign it so I know I am not the only one who saw what I saw.
TotoTruther88“the dog should have been billed first. i will not be taking questions.”
savanna_not_jungle“been saying this for 20 years. cheetahs are COWARDS and i love them.”
xX_GrowlPower_Xx“signed in from my dad's Gateway. best site on the web ring.”
JackalWasRight“the masks were ART and you all know it”
Why I Made This
I am not jealous. We are not even in the same friend group, so jealous is not really on the table. I just think that when four people from your own school almost make it and then somehow do not, somebody should keep an honest record of how it happened. That somebody is me. This is about Galleria's choices, not about Galleria, who is probably going through something. House rules: be funny, be specific, leave the actual people out of it, and never forget the dog.
